i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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