I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
