Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
