highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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