Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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