we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize