The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
