I smell stomach acid.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you made out with another girl for some wings
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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