you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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