I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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