They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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