Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
