he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
