her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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