SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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