I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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