wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
