I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
