i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
