I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
