So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
