honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
