He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
