Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
nutella sex= disaster
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
