We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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