I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
