You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
