hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Buhtt sex?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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