Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
