would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
