The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's never too late to be topless.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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