My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
