I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
