Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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