I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
