I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
