we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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