My liver just broke up with me...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
