Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
