Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The maid of honor just puked.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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