She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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