U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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