I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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