That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
