direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
