3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
