i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
