...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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