you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize