moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
