I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
