I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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