you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
