More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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