Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
