I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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