My sheets look like a crime scene.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
