i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
