You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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