he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
