can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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