You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
