I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
