Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
