So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
