bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
