I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
