Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize