I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's like iHOP with fire
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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