can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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