I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize