I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
