ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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