dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was confusing and full of hummus
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
