im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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